Happy Zombie

image from: happy-pictures.net

I'm gonna enjoy it while it lasts. I know I've been in constant zombie state for about a month now but today I accomplished something. I set a goal and I achieved it. It wasn't a big one but the fact that I stuck to it until the end meant a lot. Epiphany of the day: set smaller more achievable goals so that by the end of the day when you're dog tired and in zombie autopilot you can sleep in peace because you know that today you accomplished something. :)

Lunar Eclipse 10.12.11

image from: www.facebook.com/mylunareclipse

Last night we were rehearsing for our performance next week *eek i'm so psyched*. So we were busy rehearsing (or fooling around whatever you call it) when i happened to look up at the sky which was mysteriously darker than usual. Lo and behold there was a lunar eclipse right there all along (from around 7.30pm). And at that moment the eclipse was at its height as in the moon was a big red ball. Then I started yelling at everyone "koraaang! Ecliiiiipse!" (you guys! eclipse!) and their response was "kiteorang dah tau lame dah" (we already know). And the cold water splashed in my face. Then I grabbed my phone to tell this someone that there's an eclipse right now and the reply was "I wanna watch it with you"... :)

Has a phone call made your day?

image from: grannysmithgree.blogpost.com

Today was not made beautiful until the phone rang, and that's all i'm gonna say.. :)

Wednesday morning

image from: photographyserved.com

Good morning, beautiful blog. And what a beautiful morning it is. I don't have much time coz I gotta go get ready for class but I just wanted to say how nice it is to finally be able to blog from my room in campus. Have a great day! :)

mood, mood, where are you?

image from: zeitgeistudios.com

    The problem with being an artist or thinking you're an artist is that whenever you want to do anything, anything at all, be it the everyday mundane things like eating or going to the bathroom, to the more important things like finishing your assignments, you have to wait for the 'mood' or the 'inspiration'. And this 'mood' or 'inspiration' doesn't come easily; the time, place, temperature, and context has to be just right for it to grace you with its presence and even then sometimes it refuses to come just for the sake of annoying you. This is why artists or artist-wanabees can never stick to deadlines, the 'mood' refuses to be punctual. Right now my 'mood' is probably floating around arrogantly somewhere completely ignoring the fact that i desperately need it to finish my assignments! Ya Allah please order my 'mood' to come and serve me. :(

Me Zombie

image from androipit.com

      Zombie mode is turned on again thanks to sleepless nights and exhausting days. As I get older (not that i'm old or anything) the effects of lack of sleep seem more apparent. The dark circles under my eyes, the watery eyes with red veins scratched all over my eyeballs, the constant frown on my face, have all successfully managed to repel people (well not really but they will soon). And that's just my physical appearance. My body feels like it's been stuffed into a pillow case and swung around violently to finally land with a BAM, BOOM, BADABING, BADABOOM, BABOON, BANGGGG!!! At times I literally have to drag my body to class and when I reach class I look for the seat furthest from the lecturer's table so I'll be covered from his/her view when the other kids sit in front of me so I can top up my zzz. I feel like I've aged 20 years in 2 weeks. When is this hell gonna be over? :(

Goood morning blog! :)

random neighbourhood cat

Gooood morning my beautiful blog! I don't know why mornings are always so beautiful in my sister's house. Maybe it has something to do with the lighting, or the view from the 5th floor, or the fact that my sister and brother in law wake up late so I have a few hours of the house to myself before I have to comb this tangled mess I call hair. Oh wait, it's not that at all. I woke up and automatically reached for my phone and found the cutest little text from a special someone and just smiled a sleepy smile for about a minute or so and then I fell asleep again and woke up 2 hours later but it's ok because they're still not up. 

   Today is the 19th of November. My little sister's birthday is 9 days away and I was thinking of doing something special. Since she's not here I can go about my plans without having to hide them but I have no idea what I'm gonna do. I dowanna buy her something because that's what everyone does for birthdays, buy each other gifts. Why can't birthdays be a day where people make or find things for you? Wouldn't it be so much more meaningful and sincere? And it saves so much money. If you were to buy someone a birthday gift and they hated it but told you they loved it because they didn't wanna hurt your feelings but just ended up chucking it under their bed to collect dust and other unmentionables its just a waste of your money. Now if you didn't have to pay for it, it wouldn't make you feel so bad. So I'm gonna think hard (or just think because my brain has been overloaded with pressure lately) about what I'm gonna make her for her birthday. toodles.

KT Tunstall - Other Side Of The World

Katy Perry - The One That Got Away

It's the little things that make the biggest difference

image from www.bellasugar.com

A certain someone inspired me to check on my long-deceased blog. For the past month I've been on a emotional roller coaster and the ride is still not over. A wise person told me women are emotional. I've heard it a billion times before and denied it a billion times but now i have come to accept it as part of who I am. I've also learnt that I don't know myself as well as I thought. I am predictable. And I thought that was the one thing I wasn't. It kinda feels like someone splashed cold water in my face and I'm realizing how completely oblivious I was before.

    Anyway, I do think I should stop with all this emotional blabbering which is kinda boring me too now. So now, right now, I'm only gonna talk bout how 1 scarf changed my whole day. So I envy this classmate of mine because of her fashion courage; she came to class one day wearing this colourful scarf that looked edible and immediately I pictured myself wearing it. Then I thought to myself why don't I ever wear something like that? So my friend and I went to this guy that sells insanely awesome scarves and shawls and even demonstrated how to wear them (so adorable) and we literally had a stroke from all the awesomeness. As I was browsing through the many beautiful scarves I remembered my mother (because she always wears these kinds of scarves) and thought wouldn't it be brilliant if I just went home 'shopping' in her scarf drawer? And that's exactly what I did. I had a second stroke of coures when I found even prettier scarves than the ones the guy was selling for free. And the best part was since my mom can't find matching clothes for some of them they were just waiting patiently there ripe for the picking. But among all of them there was one that stood out and I fell absolutely in love with it. 

   So when I got back to campus I couldn't wait to wear it. I was thinking to wear it with something black so it would pop out but that's what I always do and I suddenly had a revelation that told me to wear it with something red. So i wore my red skirt and red sweater and put on the scarf and looked in the mirror. I must have frozen for about 5 minutes or so. You know the feeling you get when the clothes you put on match perfectly and you want everyone to look at you because you think you're the prettiest girl in the whole world? Well that should describe how I was feeling. I wore my adorable new black flats (thank you mama!) and headed to class like I was on top of the world (even though I was late because I couldn't get away from the mirror). The rest of the day was just perfect or that's how I remembered it because all that was important was that I felt pretty that day and a simple scarf managed to do that.

My Grand Canyon has a lot of rocks

image from Photobucket.com

I have to admit it feels weird to be writing after a long time of not writing. I don't know why I stopped, I just did. So much has happened I don't know which I want to talk about first, or even which is important enough to mention.
   I don't want to get too deep too soon so I guess I'll just stick to the simple stuff like I managed to lose 5 kgs and everyone noticed which makes me feel so awesome but on the downside now my hemoglobin count is low and I couldn't donate blood to a woman who was in desperate need of platelets. Now everyone is at my throat thinking I'm purposely starving myself when all I've done was successfully reduced my overall appetite by shrinking my stomach. Yeah, that's simple compared to everything else. Why is it that I'm such a pessimistic emotional freak? Why can't I just be happy for 2 seconds and remember that everyone has problems, it's not only me?
   Picture your life as the Grand Canyon and every problem you have as the little rocks in the canyon. See how small they are when you look at the big picture. I'll try to remember this in times of trouble.

retro

couldn't pick between these. from my eyes 2

Bulletproof mama

image from delphinethoughts.wordpress.com

I have always known how much my mother has sacrificed for our family but she never ceases to amaze me how she does it continuously without fail. Throughout my teens until now my idols were constantly replacing each other. To name a few there were Amy Lee, Maegan Tintari and Giannina Lezcano which I think are all exceptional women. But I never realised that I already had a truly exceptional woman in my life. She takes blow after blow and still perseveres like she's bulletproof or something. Selfless, humble, strong, courageous, caring, thoughtful, adaptable, kind, ingenious are just adjectives that don't even begin to explain how incredible she is. Today I realised she's my true idol.

Leave me be

image from photographyserved.com

Constantly waiting...waiting...to be disappointed.

Sooner or later you will decide that I'm not worth your time.

I shall accept it without a word.

You won't see the beauty in my flaws.

Something in the pit of my stomach says I had it coming.
Eventually I bore everyone...no one bothers to stick around and see what happens after.

They just leave..me to collect the pieces.
Somewhere around that time I decide to go into full lockdown. 

No one in. Everyone out.

And it's around that time you notice my hardened expressions. 

I send frostbites in every direction, including your's.

I partly wish I could apologize for that but what's the point?

Will you get it? 

Will you even try to sympathise? 

I'd scare you off in a heartbeat when the dams of my emotions break.

I know your cowardly courage is only temporary.

So don't try to show off your valiance...it's only a matter of time before it shatters.

Arrows have been sharp enough to pierce my heart but they stay there

reminding me of the wounds they've inflicted.

So don't come close or someone will get hurt. It's usually me.

Leave me be for I do not wish to chase happiness down to a dead end.

Remember me

image from eggiejiayeen.blogspot.com

I can't stop thinking about what happened. Something temporarily distracts me but my mind wanders back to the same spot and I can't help feeling more helpless than ever. I keep replaying it over and over in my head. I know it's not her fault, maybe it's mine. Maybe I was wrong to look out for her, wrong to want her to stick around longer. I keep wanting to apologize but I can't bring myself to face her. Maybe it was just sundowning, maybe she already forgot, like how she forgets to close the sugar container after she's done or how she forgets where she hides her money, or how she forgets the faces of those near and dear to her. Maybe I'm just making a big deal out it. But what if she remembers? What if she remembers how I made her feel? What if she remembers she resents me? I have never made her mad before, never made her want to hit me, would she ever forgive me if she remembered? You know what the worst part of all this is? The fact that the worse is yet to come. Alzheimer's is a degenerative sickness. The day will come where she will forget me completely. I'd rather have her remember that she's mad at me than fade from her memory forever.

Mmm/ Laura Izibor (live)

In memory...

Today was a cleaning day as most weekends are. The little sister cleaned the window frames and I had to wipe the windows. My mom was doing it at first but then I saw her exhausted face and felt sorry, that and I also felt that she felt disappointed in us for not helping her more so I went outside to help but instead got promoted to senior window wiper which meant I ended up doing it alone instead of just helping her do it. I instantly regretted offering my help. Anyway I was busy cleaning and then I noticed some cat fur on the window that I was wiping. Seeing the colour of the fur I instantly recognized it. It was Kitty's. She was our's. We wouldn't let her in the house 'cause we all had sinus and I had allergies so she would sometimes jump up on the window sill and make this pathetic innocent face and meow in her smallest cutest little voice trying to get us to notice her and eventually let her in. She would spend a lot of time there sometimes even falling asleep right there on the window sill and we'd take pictures of her. When my laptop broke down I lost all her pictures (I had a lot). These were in my phone.
    She was the laziest cat in the history of pets. All she did was sleep, all day long, rain or shine. When it rained she'd curl herself up in the laundry baskets we left outside and when it was nice and sunny she'd go and sleep in the shade under the clothes left to dry outside. I never understood why she did it. Why she'd go and sleep in the shade of the clothes when there's already enough shade on the patio God knows. She had this crazy obsession with the laundry.

see what I mean

You know how old people don't like to eat unless you accompany them? Or maybe that's just my grandma. Well, Kitty was pretty old for a cat, 7/8 years old I think and she would never finish her food unless you accompanied her. I think she was senile too 'cause sometimes when we gave her food she'd just sniff it and walk away. Then I'd have to bring her back and try to feed her with my hand and convince her that it is food. Then she'd start eating. Other times she was just plain fussy. Sometimes the stores would run out of the cat biscuit flavour she liked and we'd have to get her a different flavour. You should see her face when she sniffs it. I could hear her saying "Eiw! You expect me to eat this crap? I'm not just some starving stray who'd eat anything you know". She would eventually eat it when she was starved though. After she ate she would have this cleaning-grooming routine and it was a long one. She spent most her time sleeping and the rest grooming, boy that cat was clean. She would lick her fur so often that she was choking on hairballs all the time.

It was ironic that she hated baths being so obsessive compulsive and all. Another thing she hated was my mother. Whenever my mom saw Kitty she'd grab her and squeeze the hell outta her warning her not to pee all over the yard and naturally Kitty would struggle to break free and occasionally scratch my mom in the process, then my mom would get mad and tighten her grip and Kitty would let out the most angry cries. I think she was cursing or something at my mom, "Oh you wait till I break loose, I'll pee all over your damn yard and invite all my friends to do the same!"

I think she did sometimes. She was very popular around our neighbourhood. Everyone seemed to know her and all the male cats were constantly chasing her and you could see her play hard to get. I think she did like this one cat we call jingles because of the bell around his neck. He was the most shameless cat I have ever seen, the only cat who wouldn't budge when you tried to shoo him with a hanger and the only cat that has slapped me with both paws for trying to get him off my property. I guessed she liked bad boys. Here's a shot of Kitty and Jingles deep in conversation.

After my cousin came to stay with us Kitty didn't come to our house anymore. I guess she didn't like him much, neither do I anyway. A few days passed and we figured my cousin probably did something to offend her or something and she didn't want to come to our house anymore. We didn't worry much 'cause if she didn't eat at our house she'd go eat at someone else's house, cats know no loyalty. But the days kept passing by and still no sign of Kitty. I heard that cats go away to die and I think that's what happened. I just wish I knew so I could say goodbye. She wouldn't have known the difference anyway, I talked to her all the time bout all kinds of stuff and all I'd get in reply was a long yawn. What do you expect when you talk to cat anyway right? I guess I just wanted to hold her one last time, she was very nice to hug being all fat and clean and all. I never thought I'd be one of these crazy cat lover people who make long boring posts about their cats but I think Kitty was a cat worth remembering. She's truly irreplaceable. I love her and I miss her. Goodbye Kitty, I hope you're in a good place...

Don't be scared little girl

image from dearinspirationblog.blogspot.com

Looking at this picture I recall my childhood which seems so faraway now. I can barely remember anything. All I get are thoughts thought then and brief blurry flashes of images (I think I made up or imagined most). Youth is wasted on the young. What I'd give to relive that period. If I did things differently then would I be here right now? Would I be me right now? If only I could go back and tell myself not to be scared and that it's ok if you say no. I'd tell that shy little girl to be a bit braver, every bit counts. I'd tell her not to listen or to even care what those other stuck up kids say or do, she doesn't have to be one of them. I'd tell her don't worry too much about your future, I've seen twenty-year-old you and she's just fine. I'd tell her you might not get a horse now, maybe someday when you're able to take care of one you can buy one. It's not stupid if you want to be a painter, twenty-year-old you still wants to be one. Be true to yourself and don't let others force you to be otherwise. You're ok. You'll be ok.

Blurred

image from Toni Frissell

Floating in between my many dreams and my mundane life

it gets confusing sometimes

when you wake up convinced you're a princess of some faraway magical land

only to find out you're a nobody stripped of all power

hands and feet chained by obligations and responsibilities

with only an amplifying wonderlust to keep me company

it gets very confusing 

when you purposely blur the barriers of your reality

boredom can kill

for it is out of boredom an idiot does something idiotic to fill his time

and ends up dead.

Just another daydream

image from photographyserved.com

I never knew such beauty could exist.

The house she dreamt of was finally real,

as real as the maple wooden floor under her feet,

as real as the briny air filling her lungs.

She covers her eyes slightly as she looks out at the horizon,

a big change from the box she used to call home.

She steps out on the balcony, caged bird nervously crawling out for the first time.

Time to take her wings for a test drive.

She takes another step with purpose now,

standing on the edge of the cliff.

One....two....to hell with three, here I go.

Down she jumps like a seagull diving for fish.

She was diving for her freedom,

The view on the way down is to die for, so if I do, no regrets.

The wind violently blew her hair upwards

as she cut through it like razor sharp scissors through cloth.

Hands to her chest she felt the wild drummings of her heart.

She didn't know it could do that, she didn't even know if it was still there.

She points her feet downwards, in a moment she'll touch the ocean.

Three....two....to hell with one

SPLASH!

From my eyes

This is me in the mirror, well from my point of view. I admit the nose is a bit smaller than my actual nose :) .

daydream, I fell asleep beneath the flowers...

image from happenstanceca.blogspot.com

It's doing it again, floating. every time I see a picture like this my mind goes on autopilot and imagines me on a secluded beach bathing in the sun with toes wiggling in the sand. The fact that I just got back from vacation (if you can call it that coz it was just for a day) makes it worse coz I can't stop wishing I was still on vacation. Yup, I've made up my mind. My future house is going to be on a cliff overlooking the sea so I can cliff-dive all the time, unless there are sharp rocks at the bottom. :)

Should I?

image from photographyblogger,com

Cold kisses hover around tiny hairs on my arms

Veiled damp breath of dawn.

Blinded I am to inner turmoils

No, blinded I wish I was.

Rumble mumble bungle bumble fumble jumble stumble tumble humbled 

nervous contemplation 

Heavy thoughts threaten to tear me asunder

Either that or they weigh me down on this rickety jetty.

Fall, fall into the icy dark.

Sink and never come back, they say.

Who am I to object?

The misty curtain won't lift to show me

if there's a light on the other side.

I shan't know.

I shan't know

unless these feet steady themselves.

Don't you dare, don't you dare give in.

Don't you dare give up.

Don't you dare jump.

Droplets

image from Picasa Web Album

This is 

what I see,

what we all see.

Nothing but fragile 

little droplets. Cling, grasp, 

barely hanging onto the thin, frail 

web that affixes all. Blissfully oblivious 

of the ominous. At any moment His finger 

shall send a quiver through brittle strings. At 

any moment one shall drop and shatter. 

This is what I am, what we all are. 

Nothing but fragile little 

droplets.

What happens when you squeeze a cloud

image from anjellygonzalex.tumblr.com

What happens when you squeeze a wet cotton ball?

It drips.

What happens when you squeeze a cloud?

You get wet.
Drench me in your tears
I like stepping in your puddles.
Strike me with your angry light
It injects me with life.
I find comfort in your melancholy,
power in your defeat.
I don't cry that you're hurt.
I'm your shoulder,
the arm around your waist,
the sun upon your grey sky.
I'll squeeze the pain out of you my cloud.
Till all that's left is fluff floating light in the blue.
Finally feathery.
Damp spots shall dry soon
as long as I'm dancing with you.

And the winner is...

image from dreamchennai.com

Before I start let me tell you in advance that when it comes to physical appearance I am average. I'm not tall, I'm not short. I'm not skinny, I'm not fat. I'm not beautiful and I'm not ugly. I might be vain sometimes but who isn't?

So I recently entered a competition that does take into account physical appearances and I have no idea why. Tomorrow is the finals and I have nothing to wear because I never go anywhere so I never have to go hunting for outfits. Now I do and usually I'd look forward to it but now I don't. Secretly I'm hoping I don't win because I'm so self-conscious that I wouldn't be able to handle people looking up and down at me judging me by the way I look. But on the other hand everyone's telling me good luck and I really hope you win.

What could be the worst case scenario for someone doing a catwalk down the runway? Don't tell me coz I don't wanna think about it coz it's gonna haunt me until all this is over. toodles.

Gates & locks

image from Picasa Web Album

Steel.
Cold hard steel is all she feels.
Longing fingers cling onto merciless erect bars
"How did I get here?" she asks.
Not "how can I get out?"
or "why won't you let me out?"
Eyes full of wishes.
Heart full of hope.
Hands full of regret.
Feet chained to the ground.
The limitless sky spreads beyond the gates.
Fluffy floating cotton call out to her and she smiles.
"I can still see the sun from here".

3 posts in a day coz its my blog

IT RAINED TODAY!!!thank GOD!i was beginning to think i'd have to give up my long baths to conserve water.ok so we have to help conserve water anyway.i'll try to remember that next time.what was i talking about?oh yeah.it rained today!!!and what a beautiful rain it was,complete with lightning and thunder and fat drops of water pouring on the roof.the sound of it all is just so soothing i'd like nothing better than to sleep to it.after more than a week's drought i can finally feel moisture in the air again.i read in the paper it has something to do with tropical storms somewhere in asia and it's sucking every bit of moisture from here leaving it dry and HOT.anyway i hope it's over coz its already hot enough here even with rain.please gimme my moisture back.it did rain but it ended too soon.as for now,i'm going to enjoy the wet air while it lasts.toodles.
image from abhimanyumanna.wordpress.com

Anywhere but here

image from Picasa Web Albums

She's tired of this sky, this air, this thing that touches her stiff feet called land.

She's a flightless bird cursed to be forever land-bound.

What use are these flaps that hang limp against her sides, wings that cannot fly

All that wander are her eyes and her imagination.

Flickers of non-existing places with non-existing boundaries keep her wandering thoughts occupied

just enough to keep her sane.

Skin longing for a different breeze against it.

Feet long for a different ground to touch.

Ears long for the whispers of foreign lands.

Wings long for a wind beneath them.

She calls out to the planes gliding over the horizon "take me with you, take me anywhere.."

Anywhere but here.

Drag me to hell...if it'll make me skinny again

image from satisfyingthemuse.com

Today began interestingly. For the first time ever I managed to wake my sister up at 7.30 a.m. to go jogging! I was kinda hoping she wouldn't so I'd get to continue my dream about God knows what (I can't seem to remember my dreams lately). But she did. Mama couldn't join coz she had to go to work so it was just the two of us. So we took one of the two set of house keys with us coz the joker is not programmed to wake up before 12 and set out jogging (more like walking). 

This 'jogging' thing was motivated by our jealousy of a certain someone that we hated that managed to lose a lot of weight looking gorgeous at her sister's wedding last night which we were invited to. This motivation was further fueled by the fact that we both had to squeeze into girdles in order to squeeze into our dress. That was the first time I ever had to wear a girdle and I pray it will be the last.

Back to this morning. We started from the house at 8 and our plan was to jog all the way down the hill to have breakfast and climb all the way back up again. I wasn't sure if my sister would approve but to my surprise again, she did! Going down of coures was easy and we enjoyed our breakfast even though the waiter mixed up our orders twice but he was nice so we didn't mind. Going back up was tough. I had to push my sis a few times and we stopped to catch our breaths, a lot.

Finally we made it back in one piece and I crashed for an hour or so. Then I crashed again, and again, until my mom came back from work and woke me and I realised it was evening. With aches all over I wonder how am I supposed to wake up for tomorrow morning's jog. I'll just picture that certain hated someone that lost weight laughing at me. toodles.

is it still morning?

good morning blog.is it still morning?that's the sort of question that pops into your mind when you wake up to the annoyingly loud sound of the phone ringing and pick up and try to sound like you didn't just get out of bed.it's mama as usual 'asking' me to hang the clothes and she laughs at me yelling at my grandma to stop stealing sugar cubes from the table where i can see her.if you're gonna steal don't do it on front of the warden.yes my title has been changed from careless neglected middle child to oldest and in charge to warden/baby sitter.anyway the reason why i get to enjoy this scenario of waking up late to catching my grandma stealing the goods is because i do not have any classes today.in fact i only have classes 2 days in a week and that's all because i couldn't register other subjects.and that means that i'm going to be exhausted,sleep-deprived and (hopefully) skinny next semester.yes, that's what too much studying does to you.either that or you completely lose it like i have a few times.it wasn't pretty.i shall try and post some poems soon,when i get to actually writing them instead of just monologuing in my head.gotta go hunt for food in the fridge.toodles.

Bruno Mars - The Lazy Song (Cover) - JRA, Victor Kim, & Chester See

Brooke Waggoner - Fresh pair of eyes

Lovelier than you by B.O.B. (lyrics)

Be curious, not judgemental

image from Photobucket.com

Isn't it ironic that hospitals, where people go to get better have a stink that makes me feel sick? Or am I the only person that can smell it? I had to go to the hospital today cause my grandma wasn't feeling so good. While waiting in the emergency room I did what I always do when I have nothing else to do (apart from sleeping), people watching. My aunt took my grandma to see the doctor and I was waiting for them in a room full of sick people.

A lady police officer and another lady sat next to me. It took me a few seconds to realize that the other lady was poorly dressed, had uncombed hair and wore handcuffs. I tried hard not to stare. She seemed to be in a lot of pain. On one hand I felt sorry for her and on the other hand I was afraid. Saved by the bell my aunt and grandma stepped out of the examination room and motioned for me to sit up front next to them and I did. I hope the lady didn't think I was running away from her.

We waited for a while and I kept myself from looking behind me, afraid that she'd be staring back. The nurse called her name out and the lady cop escorted her to the examination room. At that moment all eyes in the room were on the woman in the handcuffs. I instantly felt angry at all of them and wanted to defend her. Wasn't it enough that she was in handcuffs? And then I realized I was one of those people, I was staring. I felt ashamed and quickly looked away.

Why do people do that? Why do we stare and judge instantly like it is possible to actually judge a book by its cover. I don't know what that woman did to get herself in handcuffs but I know I have no right to judge her. There are people being paid to do that. I just hope she gets well soon. Isn't that what you say when people get sick? 

Dream a little dream of me...

image from ftpicugro.com 

Feeling a little nostalgic today thinking about the good old days where my neighbour Serena would call out for lil sis n I from our front gate and we'd excitedly rush outside to go and play in our play ground. I loved that place. It symbolizes my childhood. The only place where I don't remember crying or being embarrassed. No bad memories existed there. It was right across our street so we could always go there, even if we weren't allowed to.

Now that we moved, we still drive pass it cause it's on the way to anywhere from our current house. It's still beautiful but not in the same way. They've upgraded it so now it has a basketball court. I wished they would have left it as it was. I remember every bump in the ground, the holes in the ground I used to think were graves, the big stones we used to hop over, the field that would flood every time it rained, the trees we used to climb and called tree houses and the hill we used to slide down from. I miss those times where we didn't worry about what to wear or how much we weighed or deadlines for assignments or final exams. Speaking of final exams, have to go study for tomorrow's. toddles.

Folding with grandma

Folding the clothes when my grandma's around is an intense experience. I know you're probably thinking she's a control freak that comments on every single thing I do like most grandmas do. Things like "that's not how you fold an underwear!" or "hasn't your mom taught you anything?!" but its not exactly like that. She focuses on one thing only...

Here's how it goes. I'm sitting on the floor and she sits on the sofa (cause she has back problems). I start folding and she scrutinizes my every move. I try to escape her owl-like gaze as she carefully monitors every piece I fold, God forbid I mix her pants with my mom's underwear. As soon as I touch anything resembling her clothes (in her eyes) she hoots "that's MY pants/underwear/t shirt!" and then I have to assure her that I know her clothes and I won't mix them with anyone else's. Of coures she doesn't trust me and has sometimes even knelt in front of me to grab her clothes, terrified that I lose them. I tell her that I know what I'm doing and then she sits back and waits for the rest of her clothes.

This goes on for as long as I'm folding whether it's 1 basket or 3. She will sit there patiently, never taking her eyes off my folding for fear that I might misplace her clothes. As soon as I'm finished she breathes a sigh of relief, quickly getting up to grab her clothes and put them upstairs in her room. And the thing is she often (and by often I mean almost always) mistakes my mom's and my sister's clothes for her own. I'm just lucky she can't fit my underwear.

My mom has lost many pairs of pants to my grandma and my sister has lost t shirts. My mom begs me to save her pants when I'm folding the clothes and I try my best to hide them while distracting my grandma with something but it's no use cause later she'll dig into mom's clothes to make sure I didn't mix her clothes with my moms. As usual she'll think I did as soon as she sees pants and then my mom comes home to find that her pants are missing. It's as hilarious as it is tragic. I wish she wasn't so forgetful. I hope I won't become like that one day. She thinks they're her pants and she feels better when she takes them back, unaware that she can no longer differentiate her clothes from others'. Ignorance is bliss. But is it really?

image from tlcforyourhome.blogspot.com

Lost a kg today 'cause I overused my brain

image form flickr.com

I lost 1 kg today which i plan to celebrate by eating 2 kgs of cupcakes!lol! Just kidding. Sadly enough I weighed myself again later and went up half a kg though I don't remember eating anything. Hear that? That's the sound of my bubble popping. Anyways...

I spent the whole yesterday and today finishing my assignment with my friend (picture each of us at opposite sides of the living room facing our laptops like zombies). All was going well until our other group member told us her laptop broke down so she could send in her part. How convenient!

Don't you just hate it when you have to work with idiots?! TOODLES!

Nice Guys

First day of Summer and I don't feel a thing

image from flickr.com

Ever wonder why when someone says Summer you instantly think of beaches and bikinis? Today was the last day of my classes for this semester and also happens to be the first day of Summer! I was born in Summer so you get my excitment. Though if you were living where I live you wouldn't feel anything because the season's may come and go but the trees and the wheather don't change. They do change a little though but that only ranges from hot to hotter and from drizzles to heavy showers. It may be paradise for some to live in tropical countries but I for one wish for a change. some snow please and maybe some yellow leaves, oh and some blossoms would be nice too.

Finals are next week and thank God I only have two papers to sit for but even two seems too much for me right now. I've reached the ultimate state of laziness and I wanna kill myself for it. That's one of the reasons why I haven't posted anything in a while except last night I was so deep in the puddle of self pity that I just had to let it out. I forgot I have an assignment due friday and I haven't written a single word.toddles.

Burnt

Burned my finger today, actually i burnt 3 and a half. grabbed a hot pan's handle. how can you possibly burn your hand holding a pan's handle? that's what the handle's are for. any normal pan/pot would have plastic/wooden handles so you don't burn your hand's. unfortunately this was not a normal pan, it was my mom's beloved new imported/hand-delivered pan from Iran. apparently people in Iran have thick fire-proof hands. i apologize for having such frail hands with thin skin.

the joker said he'd wash the dishes after his nap. 4 hours later he's still asleep and my mom's on her way home and is about to have another fit over a sink full of dirty dishes. last night she smashed a plate and a bowl in front of me.

So i washed the dishes.
image from my.opera.com

Somebody gimme a brick wall!

I know we're not supposed to say anything bad bout the government and what not and we just have to shut up and accept whatever they tell us to do or give us or not give us but we're human and we break under pressure. And I can't take another minute of reruns!!!!!!

This bloody astro of ours is givings us nothing but rerun after pathetic rerun!I can watch 1 episode 5 or more times a day!what da heck?! They're just trying their best to make astro suck so much until we break under pressure and get the new astro which is called astro beyond and is more expensive. BLOODY BABOONS!!!! How can the government allow this??? Oh wait, coz they're probably behind it all!!! UGHHH!!!!! Can somebody gimme a brick wall so that i can break it with my angry bare knuckles and set fire to the debris?!!!

Pretty Little Liars - Episode 10: Mathew Perryman Jones - Out of Reach

STOP RERUNNING!!!

Does anybody else feel like malaysian tv is going from bad to worse? I was home all day today and didn't have the slightest urge to turn the tv on (you'll see why). So I instinctively turned to my laptop instead. Then when my mom came back from work her first reflex is to turn the tv on. Then after an hour or so of flipping channels to find pathetic reruns she gives up and turns the tv off.
It's not like we don't pay for cable. HELLO! Shouldn't we get just a little more than American Idol, America's Next Top Model and other things American reruns??? And when they finally show something I like guess what...it's also a frikkin rerun!!! UGH!!!
image from exileinportales.blogspot.com

Coyote's eyes

Little coyote went out to play
in the meadow where the people say
the eagle likes to hunt its prey
and flew around proud that day.

Coyote threw his eyes to the skies
to see that something there flies.
As he almost saw paradise
the eagle swoops and grabs his eyes.

Coyote could no longer see.
He scrambled and tried to flee.
Then he decided with glee
of two buttercups shall his little eyes be.

Secret - Official Video by The Pierces

Pretty Liars are Little

image from horiwood.com

good morning my love!and what a beautiful morning it is.i'm in campus now and i came to the library hoping to use one of the computers to continue episode 2 of pretty little liars coz my laptop was just too heavy to bring and what do u know...this prehistoric coal-powered computer doesn't accept pendrives yay!what if i was writing a super-important-due-tomorrow-paper???where the heck would i save it?sorry i tend to be dramatic when writing.anyway it's a good thing i'm not writing a paper,actually i'm not doing anything productive so here i am blogging away on a blog that no one reads.it's kinda like my diary accept here no one wants to read it...accept my mom,she's probably gonna read this so i better keep it safe hehe.why did i even teach her how to blog?
moving on...i have plenty of time to just ramble on(1 hour 46 minutes to be exact),that's what the clock on the computer shows.it's like a bomb timer and it just keeps ticking away.
i found a topic to ramble about.pretty little liars!its my substitute for the vampire diaries right now because the next season's coming out in september.and pretty little liars just finished its season 1 so i have plenty of goods to last me til september.surprisingly the episodes download really fast compared to the vampire diaries.yay for me!but too bad i can't watch them now because of this ancient computer!ughh!!!
moving on..i watched the first episode of pretty little liars last night and it was awesome and gosh lucy hale is so pretty!the guys are ok too but no one beats stefan and damon.spoiler alert.its amazing how they fit so much juice into just one epi(around 40 mins).the first epi shows this group of popular girls drinking,then they fall asleep,they wake up and their queen bee is missing.a year later she's still not found.then the girls keep getting messages from 'A' which they all assume is Alison(the queen bee who went missing).the messages are about the girls' dirty little secrets and they're sure its from Alison coz only she knew about them.then in epi 2 Alison's body is found.it's so twisted from the beginning you just can't help getting hooked on it.i'm afraid i might like it more than vampire diaries.it kinda gets confusing though coz it keeps flashing back and u have to piece everything together to understand it but its awesome.what do you know...i've been writing for 20 mins now.this is going to be a long post.it is a long post.so i end it here.toodles.

kill me now before i kill the hooligans

this is just a rant which i'll later delete but have to post it now because overpowering emotions of hate and anger might take over me and drive me to do things i might later regret like assault and murder. for the billion and oneth(yes i know it's supposed to be 'first' but in times like this no one bothers bout spelling,besides it's supposed to have a dramatic effect) time lil piglet plugged in my laptop with the battery intact and didn't use the cooling pad! her skull is just so dense it can't accept new or repeated information i yell at her every time she uses my laptop. and the thing is she knows how protective i am over my baby because it went in a coma and my mom had to take it to the doctor to reprogram it.so i lost it and grabbed my laptop's battery and chased the lil piglet around with it and finally sat on her and hit her in the head with it. maybe if she was hit in the head she'd finally get that you're not supposed to use the plug and the battery at the same time. and i hope she also learns to not make me mad(read my 'crazy' post).toodles.

just one of my pieces,i'm working on another one right now

Vampire Diaries 2x22 Girl Named Toby - Holding A Heart

CRAZY?

poems take too long to write when you have no inspiration. it's easier to just ramble on on how you have writer's block than to try to 'unblock' it. that's what i have been feeling like lately. as soon as i do wanna write something down something comes up and then i forget what i wanted to write. very frustrating. and then there's the total lack of drive and passion about anything. i have gone into zombie state again. going through the same routines daily without really knowing what's going on around me and not even wanting to pay attention. plus there's a new addition to the family that has been invading my space of zen and peace. let's call him big-baby-that-refuses-to-grow-up-or-act-like-an-adult. ok maybe that's a bit too long. let's try joker,coz that's the only thing he's good at.

the joker has set bombs on my nerves, patience and tolerance and the worst part is that i'm the one who has to see him most hours in a day.unfair much but life's unfair. i just hope i don't get to a point that i'd get mad enough to show him what fair is and someone loses an eye (and it won't be me). mama and lil sis agree that if i get mad enough i can kill someone and i need anger management class. i think so too but i haven't found any yet. i'm not crazy...ok just a lil bit but who isn't?besides all the best people are right?that's what i learnt from alice in wonderland.i know i have to deal with my anger issues but shoudn't other people try not to make me mad when i warn them that i'm a tad crazy?

so far i haven't killed anyone yet..apart from gross creepy crawlies.i love cute fluffy animals.psychos wouldn't right?anyway when i get my own place i'm gonna have my very own mad room where its thick soundproof walls would keep the neighbours from hearing me screaming my lungs out while throwing ugly vases and other breakables at them (the walls not the neighbours).for now i'm enjoying the last few minutes of peace at home on my own before my mom returns with the joker.and...it's raining!yay!toodles.
image from yousaytoo.com

Birdy - Skinny Love [Official Video]

first float

i admit i am secretly hoping that i'll become a famous blogger one day even though i do not have any followers...yet.my favourite,actually the only blogger i know of is maegan. she's awesome and i hope someday i get to have a blog like hers. i shall try to remain anonymous until my blog reaches a certain status and quality. and yes that might take eternity because i'm starting my classes and might not have as much time as i used to that i wake up so late that i have jet lag and skip breakfast because its too late to eat bread so i just move on to whatever leftovers my mom left in the fridge and grab the easiest one to heat up and gobble it up in front of the tv while downloading the latest episode of the vampire diaries.

if there was a laziness competition i wouldn't think i'd win because i know some pretty lazy people.so i wouldn't win but i'd probably get a constellation prize.i'm just hoping my fingers wouldn't be as lazy and practice their typing on this tiny netbook. i know its supposed to make life easier being smaller and lighter and all but it makes typing harder. anyway i'll try to write soon even though no one reads but what the heck?it's my blog and i'll do whatever i want with it. however i admit having some readers would be nice.toodles.