Remember me

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I can't stop thinking about what happened. Something temporarily distracts me but my mind wanders back to the same spot and I can't help feeling more helpless than ever. I keep replaying it over and over in my head. I know it's not her fault, maybe it's mine. Maybe I was wrong to look out for her, wrong to want her to stick around longer. I keep wanting to apologize but I can't bring myself to face her. Maybe it was just sundowning, maybe she already forgot, like how she forgets to close the sugar container after she's done or how she forgets where she hides her money, or how she forgets the faces of those near and dear to her. Maybe I'm just making a big deal out it. But what if she remembers? What if she remembers how I made her feel? What if she remembers she resents me? I have never made her mad before, never made her want to hit me, would she ever forgive me if she remembered? You know what the worst part of all this is? The fact that the worse is yet to come. Alzheimer's is a degenerative sickness. The day will come where she will forget me completely. I'd rather have her remember that she's mad at me than fade from her memory forever.